GUEST BLOG: Men’s Health Month – The Shape of Hope

GUEST BLOG: Men’s Health Month – The Shape of Hope

Promoting Awareness: Men’s Health and Suicide Prevention in November

As we mark Men’s Health Month this November, we turn our focus on the critical issue of mental health, particularly the struggles faced by men. Suicide remains one of the leading causes of death for men, yet many suffer in silence, unable or unwilling to seek help. In th UK, suicide rates are at their highest in over two decades, a tragic reminder of the mental health challenges affecting countless lives.

One such family affected by suicide is that of Caroline Roodhouse, who tragically lost her husband, Steve, to suicide in 2018. Caroline’s journey of grief and survival is a profound story that sheds light on the devastating impact of suicide, as well as the strength that can emerge in the face of such unspeakable loss. Caroline has generously written this guest blog for Oakleaf to help raise awareness and foster important conversations about suicide, mental health, and recovery.

The Shape of Hope: Surviving Suicide Loss as a Family

When my husband, Steve, died by suicide, the shape of my world changed forever.

My little unit went from being a neat and tidy square, where we filled the four seats in the car and the four chairs around the table, to a wonky and unfamiliar triangle – just my two girls and me – with one corner of our family missing.

The Worst Week of My Life

The 12th of November 2018 started like any other normal day. Steve was starting work with a new client, managing a different team in his field marketing job. I was busy getting our girls sorted. Evie, who was nine, was heading off to school, and Ada, who was just two, was going to nursery. Steve left for work as usual, telling me he’d collect Evie from Cubs on his way home like he always did on a Monday.

It was the last time I ever saw him.

Steve disappeared.

He was found two days later, having taken his own life. He offered no clue that this was his intention or that he was struggling with his feelings. He left no note to explain why.

Adjusting to the Unfamiliar

Navigating the hellish winter weeks that followed was horrendous. Our first Christmas without Steve was awful. And before I could even take a breath, we faced the inquest two weeks later.

I felt lost, anxious, isolated, fragile, exhausted, and hopeless.

I was carrying around this giant backpack of emotional baggage everywhere I went. I was stuck in limbo, unable to accept what had happened and battling deep feelings of resentment towards the situation and to Steve. My ability to trust people was gone. I hated hearing about the normal lives of other families and what they’d been doing at the weekend. I was existing in fight-or-flight mode, waiting for the next disaster to land on my doorstep.

Growing Stronger Together

The first couple of years after Steve died were unbelievably challenging, particularly with a global pandemic thrown in to test me even further. As time passed, though, I finally began to adjust to life as a knackered double parent, and I started to see some little green shoots of resilience appear in my two girls. I spotted small glimmers of light through the darkness. Despite this not being the life I once lived, I began to accept the number three and this new family dynamic of mine that I’d fought so hard against. And I started to see hope in the shape of a triangle.

The Strongest Shape Is the Triangle

Triangles don’t sway or shift to one side when pressure is applied; they’re inherently tough and rigid. It’s a big part of why the pyramids have lasted for thousands of years. And this realization – that my girls and I could survive and even thrive one day, thanks to the strength we had – was incredibly empowering.

I started to write about my story as a therapeutic exercise and for others to find some comfort in our experiences too. The notes became paragraphs, and the paragraphs became the chapters of a book. As a fan of the number three, I broke it all down into a trio of sections:

  • History: Daddy Blackbird delves into the years, months, and weeks that led up to Steve’s disappearance and shares some of our amazing adventures as well as the troubling succession of tragedies we faced.
  • Horror: It goes on to describe the terror my girls and I felt when Steve went missing, every catastrophic moment after that, the distressing complexities that come with a loss by suicide, and the rock-bottom state I reached.
  • Hope: My story ends in a lighter, brighter place, describing how, by finding strength in myself, my children, and my community, I started to ready myself for better and happier times ahead, with our world forming into a very different shape.

Define Your Own Shape

Through all this awfulness, I have learned the importance of accepting life as it is, rather than ruminating on what it once was or fighting against what it has become. Acceptance has led me to freedom – freedom to define my own shape and find what works for me.

I urge anyone facing a challenging time to set aside what you think things should be like, and what society may expect of you, and define your own shape. It’s a liberating and hope-filled thing to do.

By Caroline Roodhouse, Communications Consultant and Author of Daddy Blackbird: The True Story of a Family Surviving and Thriving After Loss by Suicide.

We thank Caroline for her generosity in writing this guest blog for Oakleaf and sharing her family’s story to help raise awareness around the complex issues of suicide and mental health. Her experience is a reminder that no one should face these struggles alone, and by supporting one another, we can create a brighter future for those affected.


About Daddy Blackbird

While this guest blog is about Caroline’s personal journey of grief and survival, her book, Daddy Blackbird, offers an even deeper exploration of these themes. Launched on World Mental Health Day, Daddy Blackbird provides a rare insight into the life of a family affected by suicide. It is a story of resilience and the profound strength that can be found even in the darkest of times.

The book is available on Amazon in kindle and paperback formats, and we encourage you to support Caroline’s work by purchasing a copy and sharing it with those who many benefit from her message of hope.

To learn more about Caroline Roodhouse and her ongoing work, you can visit her website at Daddy Blackbird or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Suicide Prevention Resources

If you are struggling or know someone who is, help is available. Please reach out to one of the following resources:

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